


The fucking worst

by SoMilkShake



Category: SKAM (Spain)
Genre: BPD, Call them as you wish, Croana, F/F, Gen, Homophobia, I'm really bad at tags, crisana, fight, let's enjoy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-12
Updated: 2020-01-12
Packaged: 2021-02-27 05:28:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,291
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22231798
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SoMilkShake/pseuds/SoMilkShake
Summary: Joana and Cris are bothered by homophobic idiots and that leads to an “hell week”.(Yes, there’s some fluff!)
Relationships: Cristina "Cris" Soto Peña/Joana Bianchi Acosta
Comments: 4
Kudos: 87





	1. Enough!

**Author's Note:**

> Hey! I don't pretend to perfectly know Skam Spain, and I don't pretend to perfectly represent the characters. 
> 
> I'm French, so, yeah, my English must be shitty, but I did my best to be understandable.
> 
> Anyway, enjoy the reading!

Monday, 9h58

Joana and Cris are in the schoolyard, the girls are near the entrance, but Cris understood when they arrived this morning that Joana needed time with her, _alone_. _She was pretty quiet yesterday, well, Joana isn’t a big talker like me, but still…_ Her back is against a wall, while Joana’s head rests in her neck, her girlfriend holds her tight, _she seems to need it…_ Her pocket vibrates, it’s her mother, _what? She never sends me messages._

“It’s my mom. Sorry… I need to answer you know how she is…” sighs softly Cris, trying to leave the hug. Joana groans but lets her go.

[Mom, 9h59]: Cristina, you woke me up this morning. You know that I agree to have Joana at home, but only if you respect our rules. So, if you want her to come back, could you please respect my rest day and be quieter next time?

Cris blushes. _Well… this morning_ , it’s true that Joana and her weren’t… _quiet._

“Cris?” asks Joana while biting her nail.

“Yeah _Sapito_?” replies Cris, still looking at her phone, rubbing Joana’s hand.

“I need to talk to the girls.”

Cris raises her head to look at her girlfriend. “About what? Did something happen?” she asks a little confused.

“No, everything’s fine, well no, well yes, but not in that way…” starts Joana. Cris knows that Joana needs time to gather her racing thoughts. “I… It’s just… It’s just that I want them to trust me.” she finally lets out, avoiding Cris’ gaze.

“Love… they already trust you. I’m sorry, but I don’t understand you…” she replies, taking Joana’s hands in hers.

Joana takes a deep breath and starts making nervous gestures. _Not good_. “It’s just that sometimes I know that our couple seems asymmetrical” Cris raises her eyebrows in confusion. “because it seems that I don’t care about you, about us, that it’s always you who make efforts for our couple, that I’m always making you suffer because of my BPD, that it’s always my fault if everything goes wrong, that…”.

“Baby, breathe.” interrupts Cris. “Calm down, it’s alright…” she says softly, a hand on Joana’s cheek. “What are you talking about? No one thinks that. I don’t, and the girls either.” she assures.

Joana withdraws Cris’ hand. “No but Cris, you don’t understand. I know that it’s easy for people to think that and I need to tell the girls everything I feel, face to face. I need them to understand that I’m good enough for you, that I deserve our relationship, that they can trust me about protecting you.” she declares earnestly.

Cris is a little stunned by her girlfriend’s statement, she hasn’t expected it. _Of course, you deserve our relationship. How can she still question herself about that…?_ “Okay… Okay, if you need to talk to them, to let things out, do it, but you have to know that they already know everything you’re going to tell them, okay _Sapito_ …?” she asks fondly, trying to reassure Joana.

Her girlfriend is biting her nail, swinging on her two feet and shifting her eyes between Cris and people who moves around them _. She is overthinking, Cris, say something, idiota…_ “Joana. Look at me.” She starts, waiting her girlfriend to meet her gaze. “Yes, you deserve our relationship. And, the girls accepted you a year ago, and they will keep accepting you in the future, and if they don’t, I fucking don’t care, because it’s MY choice to be with you. They don’t have to say or decide anything in our relationship. And anyway, they understand you. They don’t know everything about you, but they know you do your best to make me happy, and Joana, you manage everything so well. I’m so proud of you, lately you’re going to therapy, you’re taking your meds, your crises are less and less frequent. Trust me, the girls know that you’re making me happy, that you’re an amazing human being and that you’re perfect for me, alright?” she finishes, her arms around Joana’s neck, their foreheads against each other.

They stay like that a minute or two, not wanting to break that warm and peaceful silence. “Thank you…” murmurs Joana, while pulling Cris in a tight hug.

“Go talk to them if you want, it will reassure you more. I think you need to hear it from them too.” whispers softly Cris while kissing her girlfriend’s cheek.

“Yeah… I’m sorry abo…”

“Don’t be.” Interrupts Cris. “I’m glad that you told me everything, you need to let your feelings out, don’t hold them, I’m here to listen to you. Always.” she assures calmly.

Joana looks at Cris with a relieved and thankful gaze, _she knows me so well…_ She puts back her head in Cris’ neck. “ _Querida_ , you know, you sometimes get cheesy.” teases Joana. Cris raises her eyebrows and gives her girlfriend an “excuse me?”-look, as she knows how to do them so well. Their gaze meet, Joana gives her a little smile. _Good, she seems to feel lighter._

Cris pecks Joana’s lips. “You won’t have any more kisses today, _condesa_. That’s your punishment for telling me these awful things.” She declares, half serious, half already laughing. Joana sighs with a grin and they start giggling.

Two boys their age approach them. They stop a few meters away so that the couple can hear them. One of them starts “Oh, Look Luis, isn’t that old Joana? Do you remember when she kicked out Eloy for this girl?”. It is Miguel and Luis, they were “friends” with Eloy a year ago, _well friends no, more like puppies_. They turn to Joana, she isn’t looking at them, she is staring at Cris, but her girlfriend can't help but glare at them.

They talked about it a lot, “ _just let things go”, but damn, it’s hard._ Joana’s eyes are empty, but she is rubbing Cris’ hand to make her understand that she doesn’t care. _Even if I do_.

“I think she just needed someone to get her integrate in high school, and then she fell in the arms of the easiest girl of the school when she no longer needed Eloy. She would still be alone without him. Right, Jo?” asks Miguel looking at Joana with a big smile. She is already staring at him, fire in her gaze. _Easiest girl? Did he just call me Jo? Calm down… Just ignore them, they’ll get tired._

“Why are you looking at him like that? Isn’t he right? Did he offend you, poor lonely girl?” says the other one as if he were talking to a child. Joana can feel her hands tense, well not just her hands, her whole body is _burning_. _You’re used to this kind of thinking, let it pass, it’s okay, Cris is here._

Yeah, Cris is here, but her cheeks are on fire, she wants to retort something, _anything. How can they talk to her like that?_ She knows that Joana doesn’t need this kind of conflict, _but damn, I can’t let them make fun of my girlfriend like that_ , especially because she already had problems with Luis when she and Joana started dating a year ago. She feels Joana’s gaze on her, _I understand, I must ignore them._

“No but, you know Luis, she is a little…” Miguel gestures with his hand near his head while squinting “… _loca!_ ”. They burst out laughing in front of the two girls. Joana’s mind goes blank. _What? How do they know? Only the boy squad and the girls know about my BPD._ She feels Cris’ hands let hers go. _Please, no, not now, don’t give up on me…_

“What did you just say?” lets out Cris, as she approaches the two boys.

“You perfectly heard.” says seriously Miguel, staring at Cris’ gaze with his smile fading.

“No, repeat it in front of my face, asshole.” she replies coldly, her head is an inch of Miguel’s face. _I made the mistake of calling Joana loca once, I won’t let anyone else do that to her, I know how much it hurts her._

Miguel grabs her hoodie. _Don’t you touch her_. “You’re not better than your girl, you whore.” _What did he just say?_ “You slept with Ruben and then ghosted the poor guy. But don’t worry, I understand your little game, you just show your belly and your butt to everyone and then we all know that your “bisexual thing” is just an excuse to fuck with every random dudes and girls of the school, you slut.” _That’s enough._

“Don’t you touch her!” bursts Joana while pushing Miguel away. Cris’ eyes are teary, _it just hurts_ to hear this stuff. But more importantly, she can tell that something bad is coming. She never saw Joana like that before. Even if there’s the BPD, Joana always kept her mind cool in this kind of situation, but not this time.

Her mind is completely elsewhere. _Everything is blurry, and messy, and high, and burning, and… No one talks to her like that. No one talks…_

“Well, the crazy bitch is awake!” laughs Luis. Joana replies with a furious glare. His smile fades. “Miguel, we should teach her how to look at us and talk to us correctly, don’t you think?” he says coldly.

Cris wants to move, call for help, stop what’s happening, do something, _anything_ , but she is just freezing behind Joana’s back, feeling that everything is going _wrong_.

“Yeah, you’re right.” agrees Miguel while approaching Joana.

“Yeah. Show me.” defies Joana. _Don’t. They don’t deserve your attention._ _You’re putting Cris in danger. Stop._ “Show me how your _puta madre_ raised you to be a fucking _cabrón_.” she adds, still staring Miguel’s gaze.

She doesn’t have time to dodge it. Miguel slaps her with the back of his hand. “Don’t talk to me like that, _chica loca_.” he bursts. There’s nothing around her, _nothing counts_ , she feels nothing but her entire body carried by a huge heat. _I’m so sick of these people, I’m so sick of everyone, of everything. I’m going to show him how crazy I am._

Cris goes to defend Joana but Luis pushes her away and she falls on the ground. At the same time, Joana tackles Miguel and they both fall on the gravel. They roll on the ground, insults are flaring, they’re struggling to immobilize each other. Joana finally takes control, she’s above poor Miguel. “You like to hurt girls, huh? Do you like to insult us?” She begins to hit him hard with her fist. _One…_ “Who’s the slut now?” Cris never saw Joana being _… like that… so violent_. _Two…_ Cris is dizzy, _everything goes to fast_. _Three… Four… Fi…_ Luis stops her arm and grabs Joana by her waist, he immobilizes her two arms, but she is still kicking him with her legs.

“Let me go! Don’t touch me bastard! Let me rip his pants off so everybody can see his tiny dick he never used!” she yells.

“Just shut the hell up, hysterical bitch!” shouts Miguel, standing up. He is nose bleeding, and his face starts to turn in some unconventional colors.

“I hope it’s not your _puta madre_ who taught you how to talk to girls, _hijo de p_ …” she doesn’t have the time to finish. Miguel hits her hard on the temple. _Nothing_. She can’t feel _anything_. Only her ears buzzing and Cris’ gasp _far away_. _I’m sorry… Sorry Sapito… How the hell did we get there…?_ She remembers last night in Cris’ arms, telling her that she was happy having her in her life, _but now? How will she look at me? A freak? A brute? A weak person?_ She can feel blood running down her cheek, and Miguel starting smashing her ribs. _One… Two… Three… Four…_

“Dude! What the fuck?!” yells Jorge, pushing Miguel to the ground.

“Let her go!” shouts Nora, while Hugo grabs Luis’ shoulder. Joana falls in Nora’s arms; she can’t stand alone. _It hurts._ She can’t see anything, she hears nothing, she feels heavy, _so heavy_. Nora kneels, makes Joana sit next to her, keeping the raven-haired girl in her arms, a hand on her cheek. “Joana, can you hear me? Joana…?”.

“Cris? Cris, are you okay?” asks Amira, holding her best friend’s hands. Cris is shaking and tears are running down her red cheeks. She can’t move, her body feels like miles away. _Jo… What the hell just happened…?_ Amira helps her standing. “It’s over…” she says calmly while hugging her.

“What the hell is happening? asks a supervisor that Viri and Eva went to get a minute ago, when Joana tackled Miguel.

“They were fucking beating our friend!” says Jorge while pointing Miguel who’s still on the ground, holding his nose, blood on his shirt.

The supervisor looks at Joana. Her face is covered in blood, she’s barely conscious. “Take her to the infirmary.” he says, looking at Nora. “And you boys come with me. Now!” he shouts, lifting Miguel by the shirt. Hugo pushes Luis towards the entrance following Jorge and the supervisor.

Cris takes control of her body again and runs to Joana. “She’s barely conscious, we have to hurry, she needs stitches.” states Nora. Cris nods and helps Nora to get her girlfriend up. Joana groans. Her whole body _hurts_. She is in _pain_ , but not only her body _aches_ …

“It’s going to be okay. I’m here…” murmurs Cris.

They hurry to the infirmary with the girls following them.

\--

Monday, 10h19

 _Cris is here_ , Joana feels her presence. The room is familiar, she is used to see the nurse, _a lot_. Everything is still _blurry, people are talking_ around her _,_ she can barely hear them, her ears are still _buzzing_. Her mind is _so slow and heavy_ , and her body is like… _asleep_ , there’s _tingling_ all over her upper body, but at the same time, she can feel the _pain_ _increasing_ and a _heat spreading_ inside her. _Ouch!_ She groans.

“Stop moving Joana, I know it hurts, but you have to stay still if you don’t want me to pop your eye.” sighs the nurse. Cris is sitting next to Joana, she can feel her girlfriend holding her hand tighter and tighter to bare the pain. “He didn’t miss her… The wound is large.” says the nurse to the four other worried girls standing in the room.

“Should I call her parents?” asks Cris with a little voice.

“No, I have to do it, to be “official”, you know? Don’t worry. I finish the stitches; I look at her ribs and then I’ll call them. I have to know if we need to take her to the hospital or not.” reassures the nurse, even if it only makes Cris’ stomach aches a bit more. The nurse sees all her worrying. “Alright, can you help me?” she starts, looking at Cris with a comprehensive smile. “I’m going to look at her ribs, can you wipe her temple with disinfectant and then clean her face with water? We will be faster together.” she says softly.

Cris come here sometimes with Joana, when she needs quiet, and a safe place during her crises at school, waiting for her parents. _Well, “safe place” are the headmaster’s words, more like a “locked room”_. Cris likes Mrs. Fernández, she _understands_ things, she doesn’t _judge_ or makes them uncomfortable, she is just… _here_ for them. _And now she is trusting me…?_ Cris nods.

“Okay, help me lay her down.” guides the nurse. Joana moans, _Sapito…_ Cris _hates_ seeing her like that, it reminds her of _endless nights_ in the hospital. Mrs. Fernández looks confused. “It seems to be more serious than I thought.” she declares with concern. “How many hits did she receive…?”.

“Maybe five, or something like that…” says Nora hesitantly.

“Okay… girls, maybe you should go to class now. Plus, we need some privacy.” she declares while pointing Joana’s long-sleeved t-shirt. The girls say nothing and nod. They look at Cris with a supportive gaze and leave the room.

Mrs. Fernández gives Cris everything she needs to wipe Joana’s face. Cris puts some disinfectant on a compress, and approaches Joana’s wound. “I’m sorry _Sapito_ , it’s going to sting…” she mutters to her girlfriend. She slowly cleans the stitches; she can see Joana grimacing in pain.

“Okay, let’s see those ribs, now.” says the nurse. The door knocks. The supervisor enters the room with Miguel, who’s struggling to stop his nosebleed. Miguel looks at the couple and lets out an unreadable noise. _How can this asshole be so mean all the time?_

Mrs. Fernández notices Cris’ furious glare and red cheeks; she quickly says “Take him to the other room, I really need to finish examining her.” The nurse slowly lifts Joana’s t-shirt and reveals a huge bruise. The eyes of both women open wide. Joana’s skin is blue, purple and _even green_. _Fuck… How can a human being do that to another one…?_ The nurse tries to touch the bruise, but Joana lets out a cry of pain. Mrs. Fernández immediately grabs her phone.

Cris feels goosebumps on her entire body, she never heard a moan like that before. She feels tears coming, _everything’s my fault, she is in pain because of me… Why did I insult Miguel? Why didn’t I stop them? Joana got beaten up, for fuck sake! Because of me… Fuck…!_ She is pulled out of her thoughts by a hand on her shoulder.

“I called her mother and an ambulance. Don’t worry, she’s going to be fine, we just need to know if anything is broken. But… I need to take care of this idiot too.” she points the door of the other room. “You shouldn’t stay here, go get some fresh air, I told the supervisor to excuse you for class for this hour.” says softly Mrs. Fernández.

\--

Monday, 10h37

Cris is sitting on the entrance’s stairs, face in her hands. She is repeating the incident in her head. _What should have I done? What if I stopped Joana? What if I pushed Luis? Why didn’t I move?_ She sighs. _What am I going to say to Camila…? STOP overthinking…_

“Cris!” She quickly raises her head; it’s Joana’s mother, running towards her. “ _Dios_ … are you okay? Did you get hurt too?” she asks hugging Cris tenderly.

“No… no, don’t worry…” replies Cris with a little voice, feeling her tears coming again.

“Is the ambulance already here?”

“Yeah… They arrived five minutes ago, but I couldn’t go see if she was alright… Camila… I’m so sorry…” answers Cris, lowering her head.

“ _Cariño_ … Stop blaming yourself when something happens to Joana, it’s not your fault.” says fondly Camila, a hand on Cris’ cheek. “Come on, let’s go see her.”

They quickly get to the ambulance; Joana is already on a stretcher, she looks asleep. “Are you her mother?” asks the doctor next to Joana.

“Yes, I did my best to come as soon as possible. Are we going to the hospital?”

“Yes Ma’am, we were waiting for you. We gave her some analgesic, it’s not a little injury, I think she has broken ribs. We have to go to do some x-rays.” states the doctor.

“ _Dios_ …” she sighs and turns to Cris. “I’m sorry Cris, I don’t think you can come with me, I’ll call you as soon as I can.” She hugs her and gets in the ambulance.

Cris is left alone in the school parking, the only thing she feels is _emptiness_. She wants to be next to Joana, _hold her hand_. She remembers _this morning_ , waking up next to her girlfriend who was already looking at her, _the kisses, the hugs, the smiles, the giggles, the warmness…_


	2. Problem.

Tuesday, 11h54

“I’m sorry Cris, but are we going to talk about what happened yesterday?” Eva finally breaks the silence which was here since the fight. “Because it wasn’t nothing, Jorge told me that Miguel’s nose is broken. Cris, you didn’t even tell us how she is; she could barely stand up alone…”

“But what do you want me to say?!” The girls open their eyes wide. “My girlfriend got beaten up, she has two broken ribs and I’m here listening to you complain and already making rumors about it, whereas I should be with her right now!” bursts Cris. Her eyes are teary, she puts her head in her hands. “Sorry…” she sighs.

Amira’s hand reaches her shoulder and she wraps Cris tenderly. “Don’t worry… She is in good hands right now.” she murmurs.

“But Cris… What happened exactly…? We saw you talking to them, Joana pushed him and then everything got wrong…” says Viri, uncertain.

“Cris… She tackled him and then hit him hard, don’t you think…” starts Eva, but she is interrupted by the blonde one.

“For fuck sake, Eva, I know what you’re trying to insinuate, but no, she didn’t attack him like that, with no reason. He fucking insulted her about her BPD, he called me a slut and he told me that my bisexuality is just an excuse to fuck with everyone!”

“What? Did he really say that??” bursts Nora.

“It’s not what I meant, and I’m not defending Miguel.” affirms Eva. “But we never saw her like that before, all red and screaming, overpowering a man on the ground and breaking his nose. We discovered a new side of Joa…”

“Do you really think that about her? Damn Eva, we’re dating for over a year and now you’re making supposition as if you know nothing about her? Anger outbursts are NORMAL. She spent a fucking bad week and we tried our best so she could feel appeased during this weekend. And yesterday this asshole insulted her, he insulted me too, and do you remember he slapped her first, huh? She isn’t the problem! Of course, she should’ve managed her emotions, but sometimes she just can’t, especially when everything gets so overwhelming. And in that kind of situation, we would all react in the same way, with anger, because that’s what we do, we protect each other!” bursts Cris. All the girls are silent, stun, not knowing what to say. “And you know what? I think the worst is that before Miguel and Luis arrived, she was talking about you. She told me that she needed to show you that she’s good enough for me, that she needed to talk to you face to face, because, even if she doesn’t admit it, you’re all fucking important in her life now, and she wants you to trust her. And right now, Eva, you’re stabbing her in the back, because you’re not even trying to understand her illness, when we've all been living with her crises for a year now." Cris stands up in front of the girls, all being speechless. “Fuck, you know what? I don’t even want to talk with you if it’s to hear that kind of crap.”

Amira tries to hold back Cris, but she throws back her hand away and leaves the cafeteria under the gaze of all the students. _Damn, they’re like vultures trying to hear any rumor._

“ _Tía_ …??” asks Amira to Eva with incomprehension in her gaze. She follows Cris outside.

“Fuck…” sighs Eva, her head in her hands. “I’m an idiot… I didn’t want to say it like this…”

“Well, you did…” replies Viri, looking worryingly at Amira leaving the cafeteria.

“Eh… she knows… Don’t worry, she just needs time, everything is pretty overwhelming these days…” says softly Nora a hand on Eva’s shoulder.

\--

Friday, 17h17

She hasn’t seen Cris since Monday, the doctor didn’t want her to talk to anyone, she _shouldn’t be here_ , but she left no choice to anyone. _I need to speak, I need to explain myself, I need to face him._ She is waiting with her parents in the hallway, in front of the headmaster’s office, she can walk a little, but her entire body is in pain, _the painkillers are crap_. That’s when she appears, at the other end of the corridor, with her parents and an anxious but at the same time relieved gaze, _Cris_. Her mind becomes _so light_. _She came. She is here._

She doesn’t want to run to Joana in front of their parents, but the only thing she could think about this week, was to hold her girlfriend in her arms. They smile at each other as Cris approaches the Bianchi Acosta family. _Her bruise on her eye is still large, but the wound looks better than in the photo Camila sent me_. _She looks “fine”, she is smiling, good._

“Juan?” says with surprise Joana’s father. “I’m sorry you had to come too…” he sighs rubbing his eyes.

“We didn’t have to come, but Cris told us everything. Esteban, we can’t accept this happened to Joana, or to any other teenager in the school.” replies Cris’ father.

At the same time, Cris reaches Joana, but she hesitates to hug her. _I don’t want to hurt you_ ; she says with her gaze. Joana surrounds her girlfriend softly with her arms, _even if it hurts_. “Thank you for being here, _Sapito_ ” she whispers in Cris’ ear. _Always_.

Cris’ mother takes Joana’s cheeks in her hands. “How do you feel _niña_?” she asks fondly.

“Better.” answers Joana with a little smile. Cris can tell that she is completely lying, she feels the pain in her eyes. _It’s not just physical…_

That’s when _he_ arrives; a fifty-year-old woman, with dark hair in a bun and a stern gaze, follows him. He has a huge bandage on his face. When he sees them, he glares at the two families. _How can he always look so mean? Well, he inherited it from his mother._

“Is that him? Weren’t they two originally?” asks Esteban coldly.

“Papa, please…” murmurs Joana, holding his shirt sleeve. He looks at her apologetically and kisses her forehead.

Luis and his father arrive a few minutes later. “So why are we convocated this time?” asks Luis’ father, annoyed.

“Because of the little emo and her “friend” right there.” answers Miguel’s mother, saying it loud enough so that everyone can hear it.

"Girlfriend," says Luis condescendingly. Luis’ father gives a contemptuous gaze to Joana and her wound.

“Well, when I see both families, it’s not a surprise.” replies Miguel’s mother.

_Damn, how can they be so nasty?_ Joana can’t help glaring at Luis’ father. They stare at each other an instant, but _it feels like an hour_ for Joana. _It’s like he knows exactly what’s in my mind, it’s like he is reading me like a book._ “Is that her who did you that Miguel?” he asks. Miguel nods.

“Do you know that my daughter had stitches and 2 broken ribs because of your sons?” responds coldly Joana’s mother.

Both parents look at her with a cold and contemptuous stare. “Well, if you had taught your daughter not to look at people like that, she would probably have fewer problems.” replies Luis’ father.

“Excuse me?!” bursts Esteban.

The office’s door opens. Mr. Ortiz enters the corridor, looks at the two groups and notices immediately the tension. “Alright, I see that everyone knows each other now. Please, stay civilized, we’ve already had enough fights this week.” he declares, staring at Miguel and Joana.

They are all sitting in front of Mr. Ortiz. “Alright, we’re here today to talk about Monday’s incident, between the four students present in this office. I already talked with the other students who saw and stopped the fight between Miss. Bianchi Acosta and Mr. García and Martinez. And before I start, I may say that I’m _very_ disappointed with the three of you for acting against the rules of our high school.” he stops to look at each student with a firm stare. “So, what happened?”

None of them try to reply. Miguel is staring at the headmaster, Luis looks at his feet, Cris feels her cheeks getting red and Joana… Joana feels something inside her, _growing and growing_ each second of this conversation.

“Okay kids, we don’t have all the time in the world, so just open your mouth.” says Juan impatiently.

“As you can see, Miss Bianchi broke my son’s nose, maybe we should start here.” says Mrs. García annoyed.

“Oh yeah, and two boys beating a girl isn’t enough for you to understand who’s the guilty one here?” replies Camila.

_Why are they talking? The headmaster asked US to answer_. “Or maybe we could just start where it started, when Miguel and Luis came to insult us in the schoolyard.” declares Cris; all eyes are on her now.

“You were the first one to call me asshole” responds Miguel.

“Oh yeah, because calling Joana _loca_ was a great idea for you, huh?” replies coldly Cris.

“It’s not my fault if she is.”

“What did you just say, _cretino_?” intervenes Esteban.

“I think we should all stay calm, right Mr. Bianchi?” interrupts the headmaster. “Miss Soto Peña, can you keep going please?”

Cris feels her entire body leaving her, her cheeks must be on fire, _you can defend Joana this time, do it_. “We were in the schoolyard with Joana, they came and called Joana _loca_. I accept that I called him asshole, but then, the only thing Miguel and Luis found funny to do was to start calling me a slut, a whore, an easy girl, and they continued with homophobic insults. Joana just tried to defend me.”

“She pushed me, and it wasn’t insults, but jokes.” interrupts Miguel.

“How funny you are Miguel García!” replies Cris with a furious glare.

“Excuse me Mr. Ortiz, but these two girls should know that showing their sexuality like that implies to assume the consequences of their choice. Above all, they shouldn’t show their couple in high school.” declares Miguel’s mother.

“Sorry but what’s the point of talking about our daughters’ sexuality, when one of them got beaten?” asks Cris’ mother bitterly. _She is defending us…_

“Indeed, we don’t really care about this side of the problem. And the insults, young people, aren’t the most important, even if our school is completely against homophobia or all kinds of discrimination.” states Mr. Ortiz, staring at Miguel and Luis. “I understood that Miguel gave the first hit, right? he asks Cris. She nods.

“It was just a slap, and she provoked me and Luis, she insulted my mother, I can’t let that kind of thing pass.” affirms Miguel.

“Dios… “It was just a slap” …” sighs Camila in disbelief.

“Then she jumped on me and we fell on the ground, I had to defend myself. And above all, she didn’t hesitate to break my nose.”

“Yeah, and then Luis “didn’t hesitate” to immobilize her, and you “didn’t hesitate” to smash her ribs, while insulting her.” interrupts Cris.

“Enough! Oscar, what are these craps?” stops Mr. Martinez.

“I’ll ask you to call me by my surname, Mr. Martinez.” replies the headmaster.

“These craps? You perfectly heard. Your son helped the other one to beat my daughter.” says coldly Esteban.

“Speaking of your daughter. Isn’t she a little “unstable” by any chance? Our kids are calling her _loca_ and she attacked Miguel because of a poor slap, there may be something we don’t know about. Am I right, Mr. Bianchi?” asks Luis’ father.

There’s a huge silence in the office, everybody is staring at each other, but the main concerned doesn’t move, Joana remains silent in her seat, looking at her hands. Cris is the only one who looks at her, she feels the _emptiness in her mind_ , for an instant, she can _feel everything…_

Mr. Ortiz decides to break the silence. “Well… Indeed, Miss Bianchi has a Borderline Personality Disorder, _BUT,_ as far as I know, she follows a treatm…”

“Oh great! How can it still be allowed to accept mad kids in public school? And then you are surprised to have problems with a handicapped girl.” bursts Mrs. García.

“Eh! My girl isn’t mad or handicapped! This is a _disorder_ , she takes meds, and that kind of incident never happened before! So, maybe you should question your son’s innocence.” replies Joana’s father with a furious gaze.

“There’s a beginning for everything.” responds coldly Mr. Martinez.

“That’s enough! I can’t let them talk about our daughter like that, Mr. Ortiz.” stops Camila.

All parents begin to speak louder and louder, almost insulting each other. The headmaster fails to stop them. _Loud, so loud, I need air, I need them to shut up, I need to talk, I can’t let them say all those stuffs._

“Can you all just shut up for once?!” lets out Joana while standing up painfully. They all look surprise, as if they forgot about her being in this room. Cris knows that something big is coming, but she doesn’t want to stop Joana, to calm her down. She knows that Joana isn’t going to get unstoppable, _she is going to explain herself, I trust her…_

“You know nothing about me, or my illness.” she starts, staring at the García and Martinez families. “Yeah, I broke his nose, because sometime I just _can’t_ stop myself letting all my emotions out. But violence isn’t me! I’m not just a ball full of anger, and fury, and whatever you want me to be. There’s joy, and love, and peace too. _A lot_. That’s what I am. An overflow. I don’t feel, nothing. I feel _everything_ time thousand. But every single time, nobody understands or tries to understand. I’ve _always_ been the problem, for 5 years now. You don’t know what it is, to always be considered as a problem. But that’s enough, my anger isn’t the problem. My illness, my crises, and even the love I bring to my girlfriend aren’t the problem. The real problem is why I get angry, and the answer is because we all let this kind of _hijo de_ … this kind of idiot be right to be homophobic or just to be mean to everyone he meets, or to beat people because they are different. And I get angry because no one has ever let me live the way I wanted. There’s always something wrong with me. But for once, for a really long time, I want to live, to live as I am. So, let me do it. Now, if it’s what you all want to hear, of course, I’m sorry and I regret having attacked Miguel, but you had to know that I’m so sick of everything.” She is gasping. She feels _so_ _tired_. _Everything is out._

They’re all stun, they don’t know what to say. Cris’ eyes got teary at the “I want to live” part; Cris and Joana’s parents look at her proudly, even if she almost insulted Miguel again; Mrs. García and Luis lowered their head a long time ago already; and Miguel and Mr. Martinez are staring at her with contempt.

“Miss Bianchi Acosta, sit down please.” says gently Mr. Ortiz. Joana complies immediately. “I made my choice. Mr. Miguel García, you will be expelled for a week…”

“Excuse me? What about…” Mr. Ortiz stops Mrs. García with a simple, severe gaze, and continues.

“So, you could think about what you’ve done with Mr. Luis Martinez, who will be expelled 3 days. Miss Bianchi Acosta, you will stay at home, to rest as long as you need to, but I recommend that you don’t come before Wednesday, so that you understand that your anger doesn’t mean that you have the right to be violent. You will all three, and you too Miss Soto Peña, have 4 hours of detention, for insulting each other in the schoolyard. I can’t accept that you all completely acted against the school’s rules.”

“I can’t keep listening to this anymore. Miguel, move, we’re going. We will have another discussion Mr. Ortiz.” bursts Mrs. García, leaving the office with a furious glare.

“Well, I think we’re done now.” says Mr. Martinez, standing up. He turns to Joana and they exchange an unreadable gaze. “See you soon, Miss Bianchi.”

\--

Friday, 18h06

“You did the right thing Joana.” says Cris’ mother, while they all go down the stairs of the entrance. Joana replies with a little nod.

“Thank you again for coming.” declares Esteban, shaking hands with Juan.

The four parents look at each other, they know that their daughter needs time alone. “Cris, your father must work with the taxi right now, we will take the subway in ten minutes.” says Cris’ mother a hand on her daughter’s shoulder. She smiles to Joana’s parents. “See you soon.”

“See you soon.” replies Camila with a grin. “Joana, we’ll be waiting for you in the car.” she says softly, winking at Cris.

“Even a year later, they’re still so clumsy.” laughs Cris to make her girlfriend smile, but she can clearly see that Joana isn’t in the mood.

“Cris, are you afraid of me?” asks her girlfriend with an empty gaze.

“What? _Sapito_ , don’t think that, please… I _know_ you, Joana. You are the calmest woman I know, and the most mature of the both of us. I know that you regret what happened so much. Maybe it was one of the “fucking worst” moments, but as I always told you, I’m never going to run away, because I’m not afraid with you, no, I feel stronger than ever. That’s why everything happened, because I felt so strong with you next to me, I insulted Miguel, that’s why everything went wrong. I’m sorry…” she answers, a hand on her girlfriend’s cheek, concern in her gaze.

Joana’s eyes are teary. She feels relieved. _I’m so lucky to have you._ She rests her head on her girlfriend’s shoulder. Cris kisses her cheek softly. “Thank you…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for coming so far!
> 
> I don’t know if the fight is realistic or not, because I think it’s a bit too violent, but I also think that it could happen, I don’t really know. 
> 
> I think I made Cris a little too easily angered, but I wanted her to accept what she felt about Joana. In fact, the speech she gives to the girls is also for her. 
> 
> I was inspired, for Joana’s speech about being a problem, with Imane’s speech in Skam France season 4. And I was inspired too, by the fanfic “Three remedies against Homophobia” by AnnamariaSarli. 
> 
> Anyway, thank you for reading!


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